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Thursday, 31 December 2009
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What is exactly new, about this upcoming year?
I can travel to the corners of the world.. In the end, it doesn't matter much; I'm strangely lucky, that I've had some of the experiences I've had as of lately, considering I've been home. But those come from people for me, not from the places I go, or the things I see. If I take the time to reflect this year, It will mostly be about people.
The relationship everyone talks about wishing they had; Yeah, I had the "Crazy" girl, who loved you no matter what, and seemed to be driven by insanity... But it was only b/c she wants to be w/e it is you need, whenever you need it. Some people thought she was nuts, others thought I was lucky. It was nice to have someone be there whenever you needed the smallest thing. I just didn't get down with the emotional weight involved with it. Or, the obligation that came from it. I don't do obligation, at all. It's entirely too much for me. So... I let her go. Things get easier with the right training.
Do I regret it? Only if I believe that I missed my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Which is a direct result of my impatience. It comes with being young, i'm sure.
The girl who out of nowhere magically steps into your life, spiritually transforms it, and leaves the same way she entered. If I were given a chance to ask for her, I still wouldn't of done it right. She brought a peace to me, that made me giddy. It was refreshing, serene. My mind spent hours trying to put words and logic, to something that couldn't be explained. Growing up, I realized how easy it was to be forgotten. I had a moment, looking through a childhood friend's photo album. He had pictures of all the whole group hanging out, but I wasn't in one picture, which I thought to be ironic b/c I brought the whole group together. They were people I had met, and introduced to one another so we could all be a group.
So I spent as much time as possible trying to develop my character; my sense of self... Grabbing every possible lesson I could, out of every situation life seemed to place me into. I read ridiculously, for mental agility and grammar. I learned how to laugh at myself through even near-death situations. The "end" result, was that even if I met someone briefly, they'd remember me. That I would be able to bring a peace to whomever I crossed paths with, young or old. To meet another that has had the same effect on me, revitalized me to say the least. More like, inspired me beyond measure. But as I know very well, there are some people, no matter how wonderful they are, weren't meant to hold on to.. Only meant to be appreciated.
Where ever you find yourself, I hope it allows you entry into the realm you are searching for.
Then there's the protege; I look at him, knowing one of these days, I will kick myself in the chest with a steel-toe boot, simply b/c I have created my own arch-nemesis. It's an amazing thing to see someone pick up such quick lessons, and apply them in an almost mirror-like fashion. I accepted him, knowing that he would force me to move forward, mentally. I was becoming lazy; the continued search for mental and spiritual growth, among peers whom were only focused on material possessions, and false ownership, were boring me. Out of nowhere, this random brainiac kid approaches me at a party, already knowing who I was, and what I was known for, and was asking for apprentice-ship.
I still don't know how these situations find me.
Now, it seems almost as if "the hour is approaching". I had to humour myself. Seriously though; watching his gains in character, and being able to teach him how to search himself for his own answers... Just the overall growth into himself as been quite the experience. He's a young enterpreneur, in a sense. Learning how to spot numerous opportunities and act on it, and do it the correct way; firmly, yet without force. I see great things for him.
As for me? I'm going to eventually take this cloak off, and show what I can really do... Everything happens when it's time. This isn't just a new year for me.. It's the slowly-paced collection of every experience I was hoping for in my youth.
Sunday, 27 December 2009
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Fear. I need to find some.
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Saturday, 19 December 2009
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I think the biggest problem I have, is making a decision and sticking to it, woman wise.
I will admit, I have let a few QUALITY women slip past me, in this past year. It sucks.
.... But every time I try to buckle down and say, "Yo, Huey. You need to get serious and pick someone; time isn't going any slower..." I aim at someone, and right as I shoot my arrow, another woman steps in and distracts my vision. At the moment, I am a lost cause.
Having lady-friends in abundance, a interesting range of prospects, and guys that dislike you b/c their girlfriends want to hang out with you and "spend time" isn't all that it seems cracked up to be. I still don't have anyone, I have many enemies, and the only thing that balances me out is my charm and my being purposely blind to the frustration of others.
I see a group of six women conversing at a table, with one chair available. It looks like it's waiting on me. I sit at it, converse with them, exchange names, and immediately hear my name being said behind me. I'm all about meaningful relationships, but Jesus Christ.. I do what I will enjoy. I recently got in an issue with a girl whos bf is out of town; she approached me wanting to dance, and kissed me when I couldn't hear her speaking and moved in to have her repeat herself. The move caught me off guard, and next thing I know, she's talking about leaving, and smoking a joint at her place. She has since, attempted to pretend that I don't exist, to no avail; I'm everywhere. Though I enjoy creating a new reputation every six months, it's still relatively annoying to have people spread rumors about you. It only serves to attract those who think they can "fix" you, or those who are simply looking for affection, and nothing else.
(between me and you, she makes me want to secretly pursue her, but that's another story)
There really isn't much coming out of it, except a collection of beautiful, intelligent women whom you can choose to be friends with, or be "friends" with. A.K.A. Women that either like you b/c other women take interest and they're following the groove, or women that like you based on what you can do for them, or based on how you make them look. It isn't quite the life that some men make it out to be. It's momentarily exciting. Momentarily. The bonfires, jacuzzis, scratches and bite marks, only go so far when all you have in the morning to show for it, is a purple spot on your neck that will make everyone that sees it, shake their head at you.
The problem is, I can't date a woman who doesn't make me feel like life is only half as important without her.
A woman who can't convince me that her inner world, is as vast and worth exploring as the world we live in..
I'd much rather be by myself, enjoying the company and developing my skills and interests/hobbies.
It's lonely... God, it's lonely. What else is there though? Is it worth it to be in such a compromise?
I need a good friend, above all else right now.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
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mmmm... Fuck it.
Simply_Cynical
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- Name: Huey
- Country: United States
- State: Florida
- Metro: Gainesville
- Birthday: 12/14/1986
- Gender: Male
- Member Since: 7/28/2004
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